On January 10, 1992, My best friend John V. D'Andrea passed away in an automobile accident. He was only 22 years old. Prior to his passing, I had known John for almost 5 years. Our relationship was as though we were brothers. With the rest of our friends, we would do the normal stuff like drinking on the weekends, go to the movies, bowling, pool, do "road trips" to the shore, you name it, we did it. John was the center of our 'gang' of friends. With his passing, the friendships are still there, but not as close as they were then.

When John died, it devastated alot of us. 9 years later, John still has an effect on my life in ways that some people wouldnt understand. I am getting married in 3 months, so I asked the person who was also close to me, to be my best man. I havent talked to him in almost 3 years, yet, when I asked him, he immediately said yes. We talked on the phone for a while, and John came up in the conversation.

When John passed, I thought I was the only one that went through a hard time. I hit an all time low in my life. Nobody that I was ever this close to, passed away. I withdrew from the 'gang', and I moved away in July of 92. I was on a road of self destruction. I didnt know how to deal or cope with his death. When I talked to Anthony, (my best man and pictured at left and above), I discovered that he also was on the path of self destruction. When hearing his story of how he felt, and what he did, I remembered myself doing the same things. So I thought to myself, that I wasnt the only one. You know that saying, "If I knew then, what I know now, things would be different", well that goes here. I think instead of withdrawing, I should have dealt with it with the 'gang'. It may not have helped, but who knows. Instead of being alone, I would have been dealing with the pain of losing John, with my friends, and vice versa.

I look back on it, and I wonder, would things have been different? Could I have changed the way things happend? If I would have made a different choice on January 09, 1992, would things be different, or would things still be the same? Would it have happend on a different day, or year? Or would I not be here also? Let me explain this, so you could understand this.

On January 09, 1992, John called me at home and asked me to go out with him and Toby. Sorry, Toby is the gentleman that was driving that night. I told him I had to work the next morning, so I wouldnt be able to stay out late. John said they were going to go to some bars and they wouldnt be out that late. But I still declined on going. The next day I went to work, and I worked all day. When 9:00 pm on January 10th, rolled around I called Johns house to see what was going on for the evening and weekend since I didnt work all weekend. When I called, Grandmom answered the phone and I asked for John. She started crying and said is this a joke. I was puzzled because I had no clue. Mr. D. got on the phone and I asked the same question. He was crying. I knew something was wrong but I still had no clue. Mr D broke the news to me, that John and Toby were in a car accident last night, and John died instantly. Toby was in the hospital with I think a broken neckbone. He told me everybody was there and I told them I would be there as soon as I could. I called the manager and I told him what happend, because John used to work under me so they all knew him. They told me to get out of here and go to Johns family.

Now, I have been to a few funerals in my lifetime, and I know when people sit around and talk about the person that passed away, its supposed to make you feel better. Remember when he was alive, and all that shit. Sure it makes you feel better, but then you sit there and think, but now we wont be doing that stuff anymore. So, when I got to Johns house, Joe (his brother, and also in my wedding and pictured at right), Anthony, Charity, Gina, Chip, Rob, and I believe a couple others, were all in Johns bedroom. So I went and hugged Mr and Mrs D and told them how sorry I was, and that I couldnt believe it, and how did it happen, and so much other stuff. I guess I was in shock, I really dont know. Now this may sound harsh, but as I sit here and think about it, not one single tear fell. I think deep down someone had to be strong, and I guess I thought I was the one that needed to be strong. So I didnt shed a tear. After talking to Mr and Mrs D, I went upstairs with the rest of my friends. We did the customary hello's, and hugs and it was so somber. I believe we were all in shock. As I sit here remembering this, what Grandmom said at the Mass, was correct. John was the LifeForce that held us all together. I now know that with John's death, it was also the death of the 'gang'. So, I sat down, and we all talked, and laughed, and some cried. I believe we did that until 3 or 4 in the morning. Then we all said our goodbyes and decided to meet again the next day.

On January 14, an open casket mass was held for John. The 'gang' all sat together. We all made our way to the casket, and we had permission to place an item in the casket. I placed a rosary in it. I believe someone put a cd of Johns favorite band, which would have been Rush. And others put other things. I dont exactly remember, but I know we all put at least one thing in there. As we sat back down, we were all in the second and third rows. And we sat there, and we listened, and then Grandmom got up. She made a little speech and I wish I could remember how it exactly went, but I remember bits and pieces. Grandmom said that John was the lifeforce behind the gang. And she looked at each and everyone of us, one by one, and she gave us that little G-Mom smile of hers. And that is when the tears finally fell. Because she was right. She said that John is the one that held us together, the one that we all congregated around. The one we came to for wisdom, and the one we came to for advice. John was an innocent. He never did harm to anybody. He had a kind, caring heart. And we were all in pain because he wasnt here anymore.

On August 18, 2001, I got married, and as I said above, Joe was in the wedding. Anthony backed out about a month prior to the wedding, so I had to get someone else as my best man. That wasnt much of a problem...so it was no big loss. I understand he would have backed out anyway, plus I was told it was a miracle he even said yes to begin with. I guess it just goes back to where I said, that we all went our seperate ways, and live our own lives. But Mr. & Mrs. D did come and that was a blessing. The flower arrangement that Mr D is holding in the picture, was dedicated in the memory of John. It was simple, sweet, and appropiate. Mr & Mrs D both told me a story about one of our other friends getting married, and what they did at their wedding was totally inappropriate, and they told me that what I did, was perfect. Our friend Rob and his girlfriend Eve also came to the wedding. They were a blast. It was nice to hang out with them, and the D's. It was nice to see them again.

It's now January 01, 2002. In 9 days, it will be 10 years since John has passed. And there isnt a day that goes by that the very thought of him, doesnt go through my head. But I guess that is what happens when you lose someone close to you. This is my personal remembrance of John, and the life that we lived. Even though it was short.
God Bless you John. I miss you.

Glenn


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